Why can't I stop thinking about someone?

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People often ask me about profound connections. The sense that they have met someone that “they’ve never felt a connection like this before” – followed by a deep confusion as to why then a relationship isn't manifesting, or why the relationship has fallen apart. Then, in the state of separation they find themselves still thinking about the connection or wondering “why am I still holding on?” or internalizing and wondering “what is wrong with me?”  that they haven’t yet experienced this sense of release.

You can experience a profound connection with someone, and yet it might not solidify into a relationship.

Relationships are when two individual make a conscious agreement to co-create in life. Some connections are for soul growth. They are sparks to remind us we are energetic beings and energetically connected. The more one resists the flow of growth, desiring relationship permanence, the more one finds themselves in a cycle of confusion and frustration. 

So, they explore “cord cuttings”. Which anyone who speaks to me will know I’m not the biggest fan of, especially in early or questioning stage of separation – for I’ve found that when most people are “cord cutting” what they are truly doing is an exercise of retouching & meditating on the person they are missing. In hopes to reconnect or re-attach to the person, they feel so deeply connected to. However, please do not confuse this in thinking cord-cutting does not have a place and purpose. On the contrary, it can assist in energetic freedom, when one is ready to truly clear.

An exercise I like to explain, which can help shed some light into these profound connections; and why one might not understand why a relationship may not happen – or why the two people keep orbiting around each other. This is simple. We are drawn to each other. The person you’re thinking about most often is also thinking about you. You are both questioning the connection, and every few months or a few years – new opportunities present themselves for you to re-assess the connection. You both dance in the energy.

Profound connections can also be very sensitive. One of the both of you could feel as if they made their intentions known, and you didn’t open up to it – because of the sensitivity or uncertainty. We're very sensitive when there is heightened energy. It’s possible we even start to pull back, to process this connection. The other person feels and questions the pull-back. Then possibly, protectively, mirrors the pullback. In the “real” world, this can be seen as not talking, because we don’t want to have our feelings hurt. Possibly we “pull back” by unfollowing on Instagram, or blocking on Facebook – however, we’re still energetically connected. Which then adds to the confusion of, if I took the steps to create space, why am I still thinking about them or feeling them?

The best way to neutralize the connection is to recognize that it exists. The best way to move forward is to remove the timeline as to when the connection or thought “should” fade.  

If you’re energetically connected to someone, you’re going to think about this person. If the connection is profound – you’re prone to think about them more, because your brain is a computer and it’s trying to “figure out” and make sense of this connection in a logical manner.

 When you begin to think about this person, acknowledge their presence. Instead of wrestling with their presence, let it linger for a moment. Similar to meditation, I invite you to let their image enter your minds-eye, be recognized, and then released (you can even wave to them goodbye). “Hi, how are you? I acknowledge you. I need to move on, or I need to focus on other things. Goodbye.”  You're acknowledging the thought and you're letting the thought pass through. You can neutralize this thought. Now that doesn't say that the connection is gone, you're simply not as energetically charged or emotionally charged. The goal isn’t to let the connection go, it’s to allow it to exist and live in peace with it. Regain your mental clarity and hopefully, for both of you, neutralize the connection where it can stabilize and allow for a relationship to form.

Something else that needs to be acknowledged is your true intention. Do you truly want to neutralize the thought and connection? Oftentimes we keep the memory and the thought alive - because we don't want to let it go. We feel good about the connection. The energy feels good to us. This other person excites us, and awakens an energy inside of our being that makes us feel more alive. For some people, we can become addicted to this energetic connection, and want to remain disconnected from our day-to-day and remain in our memories or Astral Plane. Reliving and re-experiencing this connection. We need to acknowledge not only the connection but that we’re the ones that are tapping in and playing with this connection. Because we miss the memory, or we miss the feeling – and we’re the one that is “keeping it alive.” The truth is, the connection isn’t dead if the physical person isn’t present.

The more we are able to recognize, acknowledge, and neutralize the questions surrounding this profound energy – the easier it will be for us to “move on” in your own time.  So, I invite you to really sit with yourself. Think about these thoughts that are arising, especially if you feel like you can't move past someone. It's not that you're trying to move past them. You're trying to neutralize the thoughts around them. Acknowledge that they exist. You're not going to forget your past. Acknowledge that this past exists. As you move forward, it will be natural for your mind to resist. Let these thoughts come through, and then release the thought. After a series of these moments, and this can take weeks, months, or years - you’ll begin to feel less heavy. To quote Osho, these thoughts will be like ocean waves. It’s natural to have waves in the ocean. We are not trying to still the ocean of our minds – we are learning to ride the wave.

Hopefully, both of you will have your opportunities in the future to connect again. Hopefully in a more neutral way. Or you'll able to recognize that there is this really nice and profound connection, but that it may not be your actual partner your life partner. Often times these profound connections feel larger than life; which can be too overwhelming to last a life-time.

Some connections are for soul growth. They are a spark to remind us we are energetic beings. To ignite us – and to awaken our fiery spiritual souls. So thank them for that and maybe they don't need to be any deeper than that awakening for you.